Absolute insanity, mixed unequally with peace and serenity.
There, I said it, got it out in the open. Time to take a deep breath and carry on.
Last year, I wish I’d have had a blog, because the change since then has been pretty calming, and it’d be nice to see it all laid out.
Just after Christmas, my mother moved out – due to my parents divorce. 11 days later, my birthday. Woo.
Wonderful way to start the new year, eh?
If you had to ask me which was worse, Christmas or my 23rd Birthday, I’d have to say my birthday. It was the first ‘major’ event since my parents divorce, and it meant that I got to experience the division of time aspect that so many of my friends deal with. Most people expect you to cry, or be upset on some unstable emotional scale, when your parents split and yeah I had those moments, but those weren’t the ones that I dealt with daily. My battles daily, were just with adjustment. These are things that still ring true.
It’s sad that there are still times I just don’t know what to do, and turn into this happy little introvert, who can’t help but find peace in the silence.
I wasn’t always this way.
To most people, I still am not quiet enough.
But, there are times, away from the rest of humanity, that I just find peace in silence. It’s taken me 23 year to get there, but I’ve found it.
Although, I should probably clarify something, silence to me, is not what most consider silence. I have music playing, most likely Adventures in Odyssey (because I’m still a child in some ways), I’ll likely have the TV on somewhere, or other such noise. If it’s a lazy Saturday or Sunday, I’ll be in bed reading with all that commotion. I’ll still answer people when they text me, and sometimes tweet funny phrases from the book if I can’t take a worthy Instagram photo.
Or sometimes, there is silence. The type most people consider silent. Curled up with a book, pillow, blanket, and something nice to drink. Most likely, tea. Peach tea. Because I’m weird.
I like my quiet times.
Back to the state of my year, oh yes, I lost my job. That was a huge blow, as I’ve been employed since I was 16, or before if you count babysitting every summer. I had found a place that I enjoyed working, and wanted to stay a part of, even with the minor personality quirks from time to time. I returned to the University, and attempted to go back to work after taking a week off to settle into school, and was greeted with the typical statement of ‘Well, you really need to have at least 5 years Project Management experience.’ Oh man did I cry on my way out of the property.
Where exactly was I supposed to get 5 years of project management experience? Oh yeah, I spent a year and some change working with your company, but that’s not enough to get me started anywhere else.
I went back into the job fair fish bowl, hopped on LinkedIn and updated things, started applying for everything and anything. Ended up thanking my Sunday School teacher for teaching me to save money up for an occasion such as this, I had close to 3 months of money saved up, but, I just didn’t figure on using it right then.
Interview after interview, phone call after phone call, and filled out more applications and sent more resumes than I wanted to for a long while.
Nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada.
I happened across a couple in late February/early March, who needed a sitter occasionally, through the game Ingress. Introduced myself, realized I really liked this couple, and adored their kids. This was a match!
This family, allowed me to come into their home, take care of their small children,… and basically, they’re the ones paying my bills. I cannot thank them enough!
Plus, their kids are pretty funny.
This just recently changed, I’m working back in retail. While, I am finally blessed to have a shot at another retail place, which I think I’m good at, I so hope to get back into an engineering firm.
I won’t bore readers with this tale any longer, but I’ve started to find more peace in my life.
I’m headed back to school in a month, and I still don’t have my class schedule figured out. Yay me! It’s what I get for skipping out on Differential Equations again. That class makes my head and heart hurt. Going back to ‘mall-rat’ status at a new job, which is exciting and terrifying equally, will be an adjustment. Exams, quizzes, my new language classes…
The redemptive moments will be found. I know they will.
I just hope everyone else can get the picture, that Caitlyn is moving on, and is happy to be. She’s finally accepted that she’s can’t please everyone.
Now, if only I can find a way to explain that to those who wish to cause me more heartache….